Who remembers... Button Moon



Many people have questioned the influence that kids TV has on their development and for the most part it seems to be a load of psychological nonsense. Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on your viewpoint) we grew up in the 80's, which seemed to be "just one big experiment by the government to test the impact of severe surrealism on young children". What better illustration of this can be seen in none other than Button Moon. If you don't remember Button Moon then you probably didn't watch it and therefore turned out normal, but in case you want to refresh your memory then there are some clips that you can download below.

All the clips are in real player format and are no more then 2mb large each: (right click on the links and select 'save as' or equivalent to download)

Clip1 - Titles
Clip2 - Reggie veggie
Clip3 - Blanket Sky
Clip4 - Flying kitchen dressers

MP3 Theme Tunes:

Intro
Ending

In a nutshell button moon revolved around the Spoon family, which consisted of Mr. Spoon, Mrs. Spoon and Tina. There was also a few other characters like Eggbert who popped up at random during each show when inevitably they'd fly to button moon and pass a load of strange dancing objects (usually kitchen implements) until they landed, had a look though their telescope back at where they'd come from and that was it. Forget Teletubbies - this is the real deal.

In my infancy I even got a chance to 'see' the theatrical interpretation of the show at the Theatre Royal in Norwich. Unfortunately this was before they realise that I couldn't actually see much properly so it pretty much passed me by. By coincidence (or perhaps not) a certain relative of Red Ted was the lighting director for Button Moon in the days when he worked on many of the classics such as Rainbow and Sooty, which have become almost iconic today. As a side note this individual was also spotted walking the streets of Durham recently.

As ever you may be wondering how this related to this sniff-centric blog? To be honest, not a lot, but if you were ever looking for the origins of the inspiration for the Sniffy world then I wouldn't look much further!

They just don't make-em like they used to. <-- Norfolk accent optional.

Red Ted's Grand Days Out - Part 4

Prior to nearly being killed by a steam train Red Ted visited what is reputed to be the oldest railway bridge in the world ? namely Causey Arch situated in the Beamish Woods. The bridge itself if hidden away between the heavily vegetated sides of the gorge and is accessible nowadays only by paw or foot.



Upon reaching the top there are a set of railings intended to keep visitors away from the edge. Unfortunately these seem to be intended more for humans rather than Sniffs and Red Ted was able to walk straight underneath them on to the precarious precept! Luckily for him the wind was fairly calm, otherwise he could have been taking a 50 feet plunge into the heavily polluted stream below.



Once over the bridge RT stumbled across the remains of an 'ancient' horse drawn railway cart complete with nearby wooden track. After several attempts to get it back on the tracks he gave up, preferring to contemplate the achievements of the medieval Sniffs. Many have likened the old Sniff railways to the building of the pyramids in Egypt as to how such small creatures were able to build such grand structures.

Red Ted's Grand Days Out - Part 3

Red Ted has always fancied himself as a bit of a Houdini, but what happens when you combine this with an amateur steam railway and a length of rope?

Answer: a seriously suicidal feat of escape artistry.

To add to this no one bothered to inform the railway of his plans for this and so there was to be no last-minute stopping the 60 tonne locomotive.



Having been strapped tightly to the rails Red Ted grappled to free himself. In the distance the whistle of the train could be heard, giving warning to its impending arrival. Onlookers gasped as the small bear violently wriggled within his bonds which seemed to be holding fast. The tension grew to such an extent that Red Ted?s twin brother, mysteriously also known as Red Ted, ran towards the signal lever in and attempt to alert the train to stop in a last effort to save his twin brother from impending death -



Amazingly, just as the train rounded the corner Red Ted leapt free triumphantly from his confines and bounded up the nearby bridge for a photo finish much to the relief of everyone around him!



WARNING: DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME! Playing on railway lines is dangerous and very stupid let alone illegal. Red Ted is a trained stunt-sniff and had an expert sewer with supplies of donated stuffing on standby in the event of an accident.

Norwich - a fine city?

The Sniffy World Conference began today in earnest with delegates arriving from all around the world at Norwich 'International' Airport. Having gone from one historic city to another, Red Ted was keen to take a few hours out of his busy schedule to take a look around.

Many large cities have a 'China Town' or a 'Little Italy' etc, but many people seldom realise than many also have a 'Sniff Quarter' or informally known as a 'Sniffurb'. A fine example can be seen around Norwich's Elm Hill (see picture below). Here you can see, if you look closely, Sniffurbia at its best. Dotted throughout the medieval streets and alleyways, numerous burrow entrances can be seen, leading to complex underground communities.



As with Durham, Norwich also boasts an impressive Cathedral (two in fact if you count the Catholic one) with the second tallest spire in Europe. Unfortunately due to safety issues, visitors can no longer traverse the spire but a magnificent view can still be had from the ground.



more soon...

The final hours..

Ok, so the title of this post may be a little melodramatic but all the same…



Red Ted & Co. will be returning to the ‘Southern Planet’ tomorrow for the annual Easter world Sniffy conference. Top on the agenda this year will be ‘The War in Iraq’ where the feeling amongst many delegates seems to be of cautious pessimism. Other issues to be discussed will be the Sniff Olympics which are to be held next year in London.

As ever eSniff will keep you up to date when and where the news is happening. Keep posted (or should I say posting!).

Red Ted’s Grand Days Out – Part 2b

After having being excommunicated from the tower (see part A) Red Ted continued to explore the Cathedral, venturing next into the cloisters where for almost the first time in the year the sun was shining.



The cloisters, although contained as you would expect, give you a magnificent view of the towers and also a chance to see where the infamous Harry Potter was filmed. Unfortunately for the Cathedral perhaps, some visitors seemed more interested in this fact rather than anything else, indeed Red Ted overheard a child asking its dad where Voldemort's ‘cave’ was to which the father replied that “it’s around here somewhere”. Poor kid.



After this brief wander around the cloisters and the Cathedral close Red Ted returned to his car for a bite to eat and moreover to check that it hadn’t been clamped or anything. Luckily everything was as it had been left.



After his experiences on this day, Red Ted would fully recommend a visit to Durham Cathedral if your in the area and defiantly go up the tower if you have time, be warned though the 325 steps and the winding staircase may not be every Sniffs cup-of-tea!

Dear Sniffy,

I find the notion that Mr. Mudge would audition for a role in a film, absurd in the extreme. To my knowledge Mr. Mudge has never yearned after the limelight but does in fact prefer the ‘good life’. He may live in a retirement home (or box if you wish) but that has never stopped him tending to his allotment at the weekend and enjoying a nice long walk. If what you say is true then perhaps old age has finally caught up with him and he has gone sniffile, after all he is over 63 sniff years old (divide by 3.5 for human age). I hope you will advise Mr. Mudge, in my absence, to take things easy and to forget about Harry Potter for the time being as I’m sure Red Ted will relate to him his experiences as one of the cast at a later time.

Yours sincerely,

Red Ted, PhD.

Wallpaper Gallery Updated

Just a note to point you in the direction of the new wallpaper gallery, now with added bells and whistles!

Click here to go there now.

Click on the thumbnails at the top of the screen to see a larger preview of the image then click on that image to download the full sized version.

In other news...

Workers in a slaughter house in New York were shocked when a fish which was about to be killed started talking in Hebrew, predicting the end of the world. Many members of the city's Jewish community are now certain that God, troubled by the prospect of war in Iraq, has revealed Himself in fish form.

Funnily enough the slogan of the company involved reads "our fish speak for themselves", I think this says it all!

What a good idea…

Ok, this hasn’t got much to do with Sniff’s but I thought I should mention it just in terms of its comic value anyway. I should probably also apologise to Arnold in advance as he might not find this so funny being the fundamentalist he is.

I was just surfing around this morning and found I website which writes reviews of church services in the British Isles and beyond (i.e. the UK and Americas mainly). Their so called ‘Mystery Worshippers’ travel incognito to report on the comfort of the pews, the warmth of the welcome, the length of the sermon, and so on. The only clue that they have been there at all is the Mystery Worshipper calling card, dropped into the collection plate! They then write a review based around a series of questions which is then put on the site. Some questions and answers which made me chuckle are listed below:

How would you describe the pre-service atmosphere? – “The DJ was spinning music with elements of trance, ambient, and trip-hop” – Hmm… New one on me… oh look that was from a church in Minneapolis, USA… only place it could be!

How would you describe the after-service coffee? – “as I walked toward the back of the sanctuary, I thought I saw one of the church leaders pour something out of a thermos bottle for himself.” – so that’s how they make it through the service.

In a nutshell, what was the sermon about? - “I'm not quite sure. It started off well enough.” – sounds familiar.

Did anyone welcome you personally? - “A steward handed me the service sheet and invited me to take a pebble.” – what???

What were the exact opening words of the service? – “Priest: ‘Good morning everybody.’ Congregation (loudly): ‘Good morning, father!’” – must be Catholics I guess.

I know some people might find this sort of thing irreverent or whatever, but I think its great – they ask all the questions which you might actually be concerned about and just think about the implications of an independent review into churches, sort of a ‘Which? Guide to Religion’!

On a similar note, fancy one of these?

Sniff Safety

Many Sniffs aspire to owning their own cars but current lack of innovation in the Sniff market is holding back their investment. Current models simply aren’t designed to be driven by tiny little people like Sniffs. As a concerned member of the Sniff community you may be wondering what can be done about this? The are a number of options, the most compelling being a conversion kit which enables the Sniff to grip the steering wheel more easily (see pic below) but this has the disadvantage of the Sniff not being able to operate the acceleration, break and clutch pedals and this has led in the past to some disastrous consequences when the co-sniff (in the foot-well) gets its timing wrong and say accelerates instead of braking.



Of course another factor for the discerning Sniff is safety. Will the restrains fit your passengers and / or children? As the below picture demonstrates the current designs don’t offer full two-lap protection.



So what of your buying decisions? eSniff currently recommends that all Sniffs hold off buying a car and instead lobby manufacturers for them to build Sniff-specific automobiles.

Useful Latin for Sniff?s

As all well educated Sniff?s will know, having a bit of Latin up your sleeve for an opportune moment is always useful. It is well known that Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur (or 'Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.'). With this in mind even telling someone you?re a fish in Latin will impress. This is obviously why it is only in private schools and state schools in well off areas that it is still taught, the only obvious application being that you can tell someone in a job interview (which isn't going to well) that in twelve months you?ll be earning twice as much as they are with completely straight face because 99 times out of a 100 they won?t have a clue what your on about. This aside here at eSniff we believe that all Sniff?s should have access to this knowledge which is why we have put together this little Latin phrase book below to give you that extra edge:

Nescio quid dicas - I don't know what you're talking about
Nemo hic adest illius nominis - There is no one here by that name
Ita erat quando hic adveni - It was that way when I got here
Nihil declaro - I have nothing to declare
Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione - I'm not interested in your stupid religious cult
Canis meus id comedit - My dog ate it
Die dulci fruere - Have a nice day
Fac ut vivasGet a lifeFac me cocleario vomere! - Gag me with a spoon!
Recedite, plebes! Gero rem imperialem - Stand aside, little people! I am here on official business
Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabris, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam - I have a catapult. Give me all of your money, or I will fling an enormous rock at your head.
Te audire no possum. Musa sapientum fixa est in aure - I can't hear you. I have a banana in my ear.
Utinam coniurati te in foro interficiant - May conspirators assasinate you in the hall
Magister mundi sum! - I am the master of the universe!
Non sum pisces - I am not a fish
Unitam logica falsa tuam philosophiam totam suffodiant - May faulty logic undermine your entire philosophy
Cogito ergo sum - I think, therefore I am
Vah! Denuone latine loquebar? Me ineptum. Interdum modo elabitur - Oh! Was I speaking Latin again? Silly me. Sometimes it just sort of slips out.
Me transmitte sursum, caledoni - Beam me up, Scotty!

Red Ted’s Grand Days Out – Part 2a

You can’t get any more central or any higher up in Durham than at the Cathedral. Durham itself was basically founded around the Cathedral which has seen a number of different buildings on the same site over the ages. Its probably one the areas main tourist attractions (if you can call a Cathedral such a thing) and you can’t visit Durham without having a look around inside.



Red Ted being Red Ted decided that he wanted to go for the full experience on his last visit and so decided to climb up the main tower with little respect to his personal safety. Little did he know that it would be blowing a gale when he got up there and being a 3 inch tall bear who weighs less than 5 grams it wasn’t perhaps the best idea!



Notice the top of St. Chad’s in the background

When he reached the top he insisted on climbing up the stone walls and leaning over the parapet, much to the horror of passers by. One American woman even started getting a little hysterical to the point of shrieking “Don’t do it, think of the Children!” to which he responded by leaning out a little further…



At this point a particularly violent gust of wind picked him up and blew him inward where he luckily managed to grab hold of a lightning conductor, conveniently positioned in his path. After this fur-raising experience a member of the Cathedrals staff escorted him back down the tower to lower altitudes. Remember that for a Sniff, the sorts of heights RT experiences would have been like climbing Everest for a Human, so perhaps his actions weren’t completely voluntary but more to do with altitude sickness. Part B soon!

Advice to Arnold

Dear Arnold, as to your question yesterday about how I managed to balance on the door frame, I would remind you that I am skilled in the ancient Sniffurai arts which enable me to carry out some of the stunts you see in my adventures. I would remind all eSniff readers not to try any of the acts you see me perform at home as you could seriously hurt yourself, let alone others! In keeping with my responsible attitude I would ask you to bear in mind the following picture - (click for a larger version)



Remember when there’s falling rocks about – KEEP OUT!

Red Ted’s Grand Days Out – Part 1

Although all of eSniff’s regulars know that Red Ted lives in Durham, few have actually seen where he lives. Today we take you to some of his local haunts as a sort of introduction. First of we have the very well appointed terraced house where he lives with a number of other undersniffuates -



The window to his room is the top left had one which has very pleasant views out to the castle opposite. Just up the road is St. Chad’s college where he studies, amongst other things Classical Philosophy and Computation Sniffics (which he has reportedly has a PhD in).



On walking through the colleges maze like corridors and hidden passages you may sometimes see him skulking around looking contemplative (or is it really menace?). You can never be sure of his mood, and many have contemplated his mental stability but on the whole he’s pretty harmless.



Next time Red Ted will be visiting Durham Cathedral and traversing the 325 steps up the tower where yet again he’ll be risking life and limb to bring you some amazing aerial shots of the city!

Gulf Wars : Clone of the Attack?

Saw this and thought it might give certain members of the Sniffy world a laugh. (Click on image for a larger version).



Many people have been asking eSniff what the official line is on the war against Iraq and so we wish to set things straight. Whilst Sniffs globally condone terrorism, there seems little evidence of a link between this and Iraq. This is not to say that Sadam is not guilty of many other crimes against humanity – he is most certainly a dictator of the worst kind who has abused his own people and should be removed, but is war the best option? Sniffs are divided over this issue and many believe that America may have a hidden agenda, whatever the case may be war now looks inevitable, we just hope that civilian casualties are kept to a minimum.

’Red Ted’s Grand Days Out’ coming soon…

After RT’s recent hiatus from eSniff we are proud to announce his new venture into local travel guides. Over the past couple of weeks he has been risking life and limb to try and capture the sniffence of County Durham. He has performed many death defying acts such as driving a car round palace green and has gotten himself into a few sticky situations with the locals (being tied to a railway track for example!). The results are spectacular and we hope to start this new series in the next week or so.