Dear Mum-Sniff,

Thank you for the parcel which I received today, although I was rather surprised by the contents - the calculator is my old one which has been long superseded, the rail-pass was the out-of-date one, I'm not sure that gloves are going to come in handy at this time of year and likewise with the waterproof over-trousers! On the bright side at least it wasn't a huge mint aero!

This said, Arnold will be indeed pleased to answer any queries you may have about sniff etiquette or anything else for that matter - a free mint aero (not necessarily in mint condition though) to the person with the best question.

Although it has only been two days since he arrived, Arnold has settled in well to his new position of the Sniffy High Council in Durham. He will be in attendance at formal hall on Thursday where he will give his speech regarding Sniffonomics and the state of welfare in general Sniffdom.

Elmo made an honorary Sniffy



He's red, fuzzy and hasn't aged a bit since his birth (16 years ago) as a 2 1/2 yr old. Today Elmo was made an honorary Sniffy by Arnold as one his first official duties. On hearing that this title would be bestowed upon him, Elmo was said to be shocked but very pleased.



The picture above was taken at the award ceremony which was, to say the least, one of the most manic spectacles I have ever seen - around 400 Sniffs turned up for the event which took place in New York County, USA with friends of Elmo's like Bert and Ernie (pictured below) also in attendance.



This is only the third time a non-sniff bear has been given such a title, with Paddington and Pooh Bear being the others.

'Sniffy' enters popular culture

From children's books to interior design the word 'Sniffy' has become synominous with much in 21st century culture. Some have taken this to extremes with one woman even naming her baby 'Russell Sniffy' and the family dog 'Red Rover'. You may be thinking I've taken this one step to far, but just check out the links below for corroboration (of a slightly tenuous nature)!

"Sniffy & Fluffy Have An Adventure" - A children's book by Aimée Bruneau

"Doctors sniffy about DIY dementia test" - BBC News

"Sniffy the Virtual Rat" - Wadsworth Publishing

"Sniffy Linings" - Design Studio (Portland, USA)

"The SSSCS Museum" - This ones just wierd, scratch and sniff away!

There's even a Sniffy Tamagotchi coming out next month in Japan which teaches children (and adults alike) the native Sniff dialect - truly a reflection of the way society has embraced Sniff culture in all its diversity (:-).

Unfortunately all of the above have infringed my copyright on the Sniffy franchise as-is and my lawyers and I are currently perusing the said violators who will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

Happy Easter!

If the weather man was to be believed Norwich would look something like the picture below (taken winter 2000) but in fact the opposite has occurred and its a pretty nice day outside.



The perfect Easter day almost had it not been for some jumped-up prat in a 4x4 who decided to rearrange the curvaceous looks of our car (read: 'shed on wheels') this morning when he forgot what the middle pedal was for. Ironically his car wasn't left with as much as a scratch because of a handy pair of bull-bars on the front, just about at child head-height. Just why is it if you live in suburbia do you need a tank to drive you to the shops???

News roundup

Though we might do something a little different today and take a look back at some recent news which may have been overlooked by the mainstream press...

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This just in from our correspondant in Beijing - Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil," Libya, China, and Syria today announced they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil," which they said would be way eviler than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of his recent address.

Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. "They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.

"An Axis can't have more than three countries," explained former Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So you can only have three. And a secret handshake. Ours is wicked cool."

Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what became a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan, and Serbia said they had formed the Axis of Somewhat Evil, forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the Axis of Occasionally Evil, while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the Axis of Not So Much Evil Really As Just Generally Disagreeable.

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Recent headline - "RELIGIOUS MERGER CREATES 900 MILLION HINJEWS"

Elsewhere, Muslim nations, citing the difficult Hinjew merger, said they have discontinued talks with the world's largest religion to form Chrislam. "It wouldn't have worked anyway," said Imam Satra Mohammed of Damascus. "The first time we drank the communion wine, we would have all had to kill ourselves." Pitty.

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Cupertino, Cal. - Symantec issued an apology to Microsoft yesterday after the security software maker's AntiVirus Research Center issued an alert for a "widespread and lethal virus known to cause system crashes and data loss" that turned out to be the Windows 2000 operating system. Symantec CEO John Thompson called it a "regrettable but understandable" mistake.

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Today in the Sniff world: The small brown sniff last spotted in the Forum library has been seen again, this time around 'Pulls Ferry', sculking along the riverside. Sources tell us he is one of Red Teds elite scouts who has been sent to check up on Arnold who has taken on his role since his dissapearance.

Happy Birthday Sarah!

A big happy birthday to Sarah who is 10000 years old (binary) today! Thismorning at a very early hour I was awoken to the shrill tones of her going through every ring 'melody' on her new phone which is tiny and very cool.

Enjoy the day :-)

UPDATE --

Just who was the tiny brown bear lurking in the new BBC studios at the Forum library whilst we ate our meal? He looked very familiar to me, definatly a Common Norwich Sniff, but who exactly I'm not sure...

Rogue of the week

If there's one person on this planet with more guts and the shear ability to pronounce that black is white then it's our friend Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf, Iraqi Minister of Information (currently on administrative leave).



While he may not be you standard henchman (have you noticed his lack of moustache?) he is certainly a power to be reckoned with, but you have to feel a little sorry for him in the way he was left holding the baby while Saddam and his chums made a hasty exit!

Many have suggested that he'd make a good talk show host, so perhaps there might be a future for him in the post Saddam 'democracy' the Americans plan to 'install'. Whatever his future this guy needs to be given an Oscar for his acting skills which were first rate!

For more check out www.welovetheiraqiinformationminister.com

Red Ted Uncut

Due to the editorial constraints (and for reasons of taste and decency!) on eSniff journalists many photos taken in the field never make in on the web site. Following Red Ted’s abdication (see part 5 of RT’s GDO) we can now bring you a selection of new photos never before seen by the general public. As ever they all have all been take in and around Durham at various times since January 2003. Enjoy :-)

Click here to view them (the page may take a while to load due to their volume).

Red Ted's Grand Days Out - Part 5

As with most good things in life they must eventually come to an end. After Red Ted's last skirmish on the railway (see parts 3 & 4) it was decided that it was too dangerous to continue following his exploits for the time being, added to which the camera men & women simply couldn't keep up with his fast paced life.



Having decided to catch a train to new and greener lands we followed Red Ted on our last journey together to the station. We were now further from home territory than ever before and the mood of adventure was on the air. On stopping for a bite to eat we took the picture below of what will possible be the last picture of Red Ted for some time.



Upon reaching the station at an undisclosed location we said our farewells and Red Ted boarded the train, laden down with his rucksack and other provisions that a Sniff needs. Where exactly the train was bound for no one knows, but I guess that's all part of the adventure. As the train steamed out of the platform we caught one last fleeting glimpse of his tiny form at the window, one paw raised as if in salute.



As the train pulled out of sight no one could help wondering what adventures were in store for Red Ted and whether we would ever see him again...

He may be gone but the legend lives on and eSniff will continue to report the news from the Sniffy world as usual.

Crop Circle Depicting Red Ted Discovered In Norfolk Field

A local farmer was dismayed yesterday to find that a large proportion of the crop in one of his fields had been ceremoniously flattened in the shape of a bear and not just any bear - Red Ted himself! Norfolk born Ian Yallop (the farmer) described the 5-acre effigy as "monstrous but awe inspiring" and Mike Hall from the Crop Circle Connection called it "a unique insight into ancient Sniff cultures".

(Click on the picture for a larger version)



Red Ted himself paid the site a visit today but remained tight lipped over the discovery and did not make comment although sources close to him described his mood as "edgy and alarmed". Taking into account his size, he would fit into the crop circle approximately 1306800 times, giving you some perspective on the matter! He was however happy to let us take his picture (as ever!):



Many have already begun to discuss the implications of this discovery. Is it an elaborate hoax? Is it proof that Sniffiety is a far more ancient culture than humanity? Does it really matter? Already a group of sniffentists are working hard to piece together the evidence before the field is ploughed and the iconic image destroyed forever. We'll bring you more on this story as we get it.

The Matrix is Reloaded but prepare for the Revolution!



The most anticipated movie of the millennium is about to hit our screens next month and although sequels rarely surpass what they follow The Matrix Reloaded (May) and The Matrix Revolutions (November) look set to smash everything we've ever seen into insignificance.



Last time the buzzword was 'bullet time', this time its 'virtual cinematography', a technique, which allows simulated cameras to move at over 2,000 mph around the action - to induce a few headaches for sure! In one scene we see Neo (Keanu Reeves) take on over 100 replicated Agent Smiths (Hugo Weaving on acid) in a sequence, which is bound to make their last showdown look tame in comparison.



If that weren?t enough the original cast are joined by a host of new characters, good and bad, the most notable being the evil looking twins who can dematerialise and materialise at will brandishing switchblades and whose job it is to guard the key holder - but enough spoilers for now! Those people who have worried that philosophical content of the films, which was integral to the first film, would be watered down in favour of the action will not be disappointed - prepare for more mind bending and reality twisting story lines set to keep you thinking for some time to come.



Unfortunately Sniffs in the UK will have to wait an extra two weeks than their American counterparts to catch the film which premiers over here on 23/05/03. The film has been rated R (restricted) in the US and so is likely to gain a 15 certificate over here so it's not for youngsniffs. Prepare to discover just how deep the rabbit hole really goes!

Check out www.thematrix.com and www.thelastfreecity.com for more.

A big round of applause to Sarah for her first post yesterday – even if it did sound like an Oscar acceptance speech to begin with! Now I’d like to thank my therapist, my dietician, my elocutionist, {insert list of overpaid extraneous people here}.

A word to the wise for Sniffs with sisters – never prat around whilst in a public place where, heaven forbid, people might be watching and associate you together. I experienced this yesterday when my joy of being able to wiz up and down the isles of Waitrose propelled by the trolley whilst doing late evening shopping was cut short because a certain sister thought she might know people who worked there. Ok, so she did know someone who just happened to working on the tills but still. Shopping is boring at the best of times and anything which makes is more bearable must be a good thing? Think yourself lucky I only live here half the year!