Work work work and more work

If you’ve been surprised about the lack of articles from Red Ted recently then don’t despair just yet. He will return with a vengeance once he’s cleared his backlog of work. At the moment his cycle seems to consist mainly of eating, sleeping and working although he has found time to catch the odd moment away from the storm. After eight hours of hard labour today he is ready to collapse, but is looking forward to a visit from tomorrow from relatives from the Great South, being approximately a whole world away in Sniff terms.

Watch this space…

Just what is it with this angel thing?



Last year when the ‘Angel of the North’ was included in the list of the top 100 tourist attractions in the UK many people questioned the worthiness of such a position. Yes it’s very prominent on the skyline, but what you get is actually a rusting pile of junk between two busy roads and a railway line hardly worth going out of your way to see. You may be wondering by now what this has to do with Sniff’s, and fairly so. In actuality the Angel of the North was constructed next to the site of a natural Sniffy warren (a sort of underground village) which has been all but destroyed by the movement of thousands of visitors each year. This outrange has gone unnoticed for many years and eSniff is leading the campaign to have the site cordoned off to allow the Sniff community to rebuild and reinforce their homes. Whether anyone will take note is another matter but we must try!

Red Ted to star in his own movie?

While some might say that a movie just about Red Ted might not be that interesting, the Warner Sniffers would seem disagree. The movie which is yet to be named will feature one of the most audacious Sniffy-stunts ever, according to sources, and will feature a number of new characters yet to be revealed. Red Ted himself was unavailable for comment, in fact no ones quite sure where he is, but that’s nothing new!



Here at eSniff we’ve managed to obtain a rare, early-cut, sneak peak teaser trailer. Click >here<
to download (only 279kb!).

Sniffy High Council denies link with TCoTGTB

A rumour on the internet last week that the Sniffy High Council is being controlled by the ‘The Cult of The Great Teddy Bear’ has spread like wildfire. Both sides have strenuously denied this, but as the statement below from the so called cult shows, perhaps this organisation does have an ulterior motive which would seem to support the rumour. Decide for yourself –

“We believe that The Great Teddy Bear is the origin of all life in the Universe. He spread life throughout the Universe and ruled over it until he decided to test it for its worthiness. 1000 appearances of The Great Comet Hale-Bopp ago The Great Teddy Bear left us on our planet to observe us from far away. He has lived on The Great Comet Hale-Bopp ever since. It was prophesised by our Great Ancestors that The Great Teddy Bear will return to us 1000 appearances of The Great Comet Hale-Bopp after humans first discover the home of our Great Idol. It was also prophesised that The Great Teddy Bear will return sooner if we, humans, will grant equal rights to Sniff’s and treat them with respect. That is why our most important project is to help all Sniff’s on earth.”



Image of Hale-Bopp courtesy of ‘The Cult of The Great Teddy Bear’.

Is the new Archbishop a Sniffy???

Rowan Williams, the Archbishop of Canterbury, has often been described as a "hairy lefty", but many have not realised to what extent how quite literally we can take this. People have often pondered over whether he is actually a Sniffy (giant species) in disguise as in the words of one Sniff “he doesn’t quite look right for a human”. Here at eSniff we have obtained evidence from the Sniffy Bureau of Investigation (SBI) in the United States that this is in fact the case.



This comparison picture seems to be blatant proof of this and we are expecting a statement from the Church of England shortly.

News update

Following last week’s reports of Red Ted’s mysterious disappearances eSniff has obtained more photographic evidence of his whereabouts. Here he is pictured walking along a hedge (the paths were too muddy for him!) next to the Sniffcourse where he has become adept to putting, a skill present in many Sniff’s, especially those of his breed.

Where is Red Ted?

Of late Red Ted has been prone to disappearing off on his own adventures, without the supervision of an elder Sniff. After numerous complaints someone hired a private sniffective to follow him to see what he was up to.



eSniff was sent this photo last week, but have so far been unable to discover its location. Could any readers with knowledge of his whereabouts regarding the picture (fictitious or otherwise!) please send details to this correspondents Durham email address. The person who comes up with the most plausible (or at least the funniest!) location will receive an OSE (Order of the Sniffy Empire) which is the highest honour which can be bestowed by Sniffy on a non-sniff.

Google buys blogger.com!

It was announced today that blogger.com/blogspot.com run by a company call ‘Pyra Labs’ has been bought out by Google, the webs biggest and best search engine. As part of a statement to eSniff, Evan Williams, founder of Pyra said that “we want to help democratize the creation and flow of news in a world where giant companies control so much of what most people see, hear and read”. This is great news for eSniff (formerly Sniffy Daily) and all blogs as it will bring the availability of great new services to us in the very near future.

Incident at Palace Green Library

Red Ted, wishing to continue his with his education during his busy shooting schedule decided to visit the University Library on Palace Green.



On entering the library all students are supposed to swipe their campus cards thought the readers on the turnstiles to be admitted. The turnstiles being over a metre off the ground, Red Ted had little chance of reaching the readers, let alone swiping a card almost as big as himself so he decided just to walk straight though and onwards towards the Classics section. Thirty seconds after he made this choice, alarm bells sounded and four security guards ambushed him. Now whether the guards were over zealous or whether Red Ted reacted out of instinct is a matter of dispute, but sufficed to say that he used his ‘dead before you know I’m there’ technique on the unsuspecting guards, who because of their large proportions were only knocked out. Red Ted was given an on-the-spot life ban from the Library which he will contest in an upcoming court appearance.

Filming begins!

Red Ted was up early this morning as principle photography (filming) commenced for Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. This is RT’s first film, and as we all know, he will be playing an Animasniff in the epic adventure. We caught up with him after the fist take on the impressive set down by the river (see picture below) to find out how it was going. He appeared very excited, even more so than his usual hyperactive self, and he told us that although Sniff’s are only allowed to work in films for half and hour on and off (due to strict laws governing the exploitation of Sniff’s) he was enjoying every minute.



-More news on this story when it comes!

New wallpapers available…

By popular demand here are some new wallpapers based on a variation of the others, be sure to check out the second one, it’s pretty cool (if I do say so myself)!

lesniff1.jpg
lesniff2.jpg

or ---

Show me all of them!

Red Ted is washed

Following yesterdays accident it was decided that Red Ted should be washed. After a delicate hand wash in the sink he was then tumble dried (the tumble-drier was set to a special Sniffy setting of course), an experience which he actually quite enjoyed!





He is now back in pristine condition raring for another adventure…

Is it a bird, is it a plane… no it’s a cow!

Continuing on from yesterdays adventure, Red Ted discovered a monstrous metal cow! From a distance you might be forgiven for mistaking it with a real cow but on closer inspection its hollow emaciated body looks rather out of place on the Durham riverside. Red Ted insisted on climbing all over it but didn’t anticipate the strong cross winds. One particularly ‘close-shavish’ moment came when he fell into a pile of mud, closely missing a broken bottle lid! Fortunately he was rescued and sustained no long term damage. Although he may have to be washed!

Red Ted discovers crashed UFO?

Red Ted was mystified, when on one of his walks he discovered what looked to be (from the perspective of a three inch tall bear) a giant sniffcraft which had crashed in a field next to the river. He was mystified by its strange shape and weird inscriptions on the side so decided to take a closer look. Climbing into the inner hub of the object he realised that perhaps it wasn’t as extra terrestrial as he thought, this of course had nothing to do with the ‘Made in Durham’ inscription on the side! Modern art hey?

Sir Russell Sniffy taken ill!!!!!!!!!!!

This just in from Norwich -

“Poor old Russ is in bed today with “Siffoenterirtis” (temperature and sore throat). He was taken ill yesterday late afternoon having just enjoyed a game of badsmiffton with Dad up at UEA. He’s feeling a bit sleepy at the moment as he’s just recently had some calpol. We all LOVE esniff. Sorry to hear about the technical problems this morning.”

--hope you get better soon Russell!

Missing pictures?

Sorry but due to a technical hitch this evening the server which hosts the pictures for eSniff is down but should hopefully be back up pretty soon!

--10/2/03--update-- it appears that Toast (the server which hosts the pictures) might be fried. Because the only copies of the pictures that I have were on that server, I won’t be able to resurrect the pictures for a while.

--11:30am--update-- seems to have sorted itself out, all back up and running!

Red Ted to the rescue!

Red Ted performed an act of great sniffery today when he jumped into a river to save a young Sniff’s life, after he accidentally fell in. Pictured here releasing the lifebuoy, Red Ted fearlessly struggled with the strong currents of the river until he was able to grab the Sniff and drag him to shore where he was rushed to hospital, luckily surviving with only mild snifothermia.

Cool new eSniff wallpapers

Show you support for eSniff by downloading one (or all!) of the new eSniff desktop wallpapers featuring Red Ted and Sniffy!



Click here to access them.

New Album for ‘The Three Sniffers’?

Following the success of ‘A Sniffy Sort of Christmas’ volume 1 & 2 (see pic below), many people have asked what is coming next for Sniffy, Arnold and the delectable Red Ted? After talking to a number of record companies eSniff can tell you that ‘The Three Sniffers’ are close to signing a deal to produce a new Album that would be released some time in the late spring. “These are exciting times for Sniffy music” said a spokesperson for the group and I’m sure we all agree!

Red Ted Undercover

Following recent reports of Sniffy rustling, the illegal act whereby Sniff’s are smuggled out of the country, our intrepid reporter decided to look into the matter. He was tipped off anonymously that Sniff’s were being packaged up and posted to Iraq to be fed to Saddam Hussniff as Sniffy stakes, a delicacy which he is said to love. To try and catch the rustler first hand he staked out (no pun intended!) the local letterbox (see picture), and listening with his ultra-sensitive ears for any sound of trapped Sniffs. More to be revealed about this story later in the week.

A close shave…

Red Ted experience what might be described as a ‘Near Sniffed Experience’ yesterday. He was casually strolling along over the bridge down from St. Chad’s college when a gust of wind picked him up and nearly threw him over the edge. Luckily for him he was blocked from this fate by one of the balustrades, but had he been an inch to the left or right he would have gone straight through them!

News Flash

Sniffy to star in 'Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban'?

eSniff has learnt from and insider at Warner Brothers that none other than Sniffy himself is tipped to play an 'Animasniff' in the next instalment of the blockbuster film series. As we all know, an Animasniff is a Sniffy who can turn themselves into and animal at will, and this would seems the perfect role for a fledgling actor such as Sniffy. It is also rumoured that he screen-tested for the role of Sirius Black, but was turned down because of his “lack of volume”, whatever that means. Watch this space...

Red Ted gets educational



Since Red Ted’s recent insurrection of mischief he decided that it being a Sunday and all he might do something a little more sedentary. Durham has two museums (that I know of) being ‘The Old Fulling Mill Museum of Archaeology’ and the ‘Durham Heritage Centre’ and he decided to visit them both. Unfortunately neither of the said museums had Sniffy translated placards, and what with RT’s limited grasp of Queen’s English, I think most of it went in one ear and out the other. Having said this he did maintain his behaviour at all times, so it can’t have been that bad.

Red Ted arrested over public phone misuse

In an exclusive eSniff / Sniffy Daily report we can confirm that Red Ted WAS arrested last night after complaints of multiple ‘accidental’ wrong number dials were traced to a phone box on Palace Green, Durham.



Red Ted, who has been released on conditional bail, gave the following statement – “a great missniffness of justice has occurred, phone boxes obviously weren’t designed with bears in mind and I have great trouble dialling the numbers with my paws, I have committed no crime. I will be going to the European Court of Sniffs in Sniffles next week to discuss my Sniffy Rights in relation to this matter; I will make no further comment”.

eSniff obtained (from an anonymous source) pictures of Red Ted’s brief imprisonment which we can only imagine was a great ordeal for such a highly esteemed Sniff.